yes anon, my daughter will absolutely not know who her father is regardless of the fact that she already calls me daddy.
i’m never going to forgive you. you left me all alone, babe. how could you. YOU KNOW I’M PRONE TO ACCIDENTS.
Oh piss off, babe. I didn’t expect you to go doing bloody cartwheels off mattresses for christs sake.
Dude, when you find out, let me know. Like three people are trying to make me “base dance” and I don’t fucking know what’s going. I just woke up.
… You poor, poor girl. Have you tried throwing tea bags at them while singing British classics to scare them away?
You’re not very based, babe. It’s always too early for you, go back to bed under your rock.
—I don’t think I’m supposed to show up on the pH scale, love.
If you find out, let me know? Everyone’s confusing me with their lack of english speaking and I have a headache.
The last time I tried to understand what everyone was bloody saying, I just ended up getting a headache so I’m just—going to not even try to figure this out honestly. Let’s just… have a nice, proper English conversation over a nice proper cup of English tea.
What the piss is everyone talking about…? It’s too early for this.
Best part of being a dad: dressing your children in embarrassing but cute Halloween costumes.
…. So you are saying to me that you will not turn the air conditioning on because it’s October.. Old man, mein gott.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, boy. I swear I’m gonna drag you boys to grandmum and granddad’s just to show you I’m nowhere near as bad as they are.